Something's Different
by Dalero
Summary: Shinji's woken up on a beach, not quite aware of what's going on. His thoughts, emotions and reactions post Third Impact. Criticism would be appreciated.


Disclaimer:  I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion.  Gainax does.  

My appreciation for this haunting storyline and my respect for the authors of the countless pieces of fan-fiction that I have read have finally inspired me to bring forth my first attempt at fan-fiction.  I chose NGE, because I recently watched the entire series as well as the EOE movie and was left wanting closure.  Many authors have tried to do just that, and this is my own simple addition to the collection. I hope it is well received, as I would like to continue it when the urge strikes me.  

Thank you Elise, Sarah, I told you I was writing something at the time.   It just seems that most of my original work was lost over the course of time.  Enjoy.  (Chuckles quietly, then returns to work)

Something's Different 

+++

_Something's Different._  

This is the first thought that comes to mind as I blearily open my eyes, shaking off the last dregs of unconsciousness.  Black, starlit sky.  _Check._  Waves softly lapping at the shore by my feet, the damp, gritty feel of sand underneath me.  _Beach, Check._  Pale white moon gleaming in the sky.  _Check._  A streak of crimson cutting across the sky, neatly bisecting the moon.  _Check.  Wait a minute…_

A small noise alerts me to another presence.  Slowly, wide-eyed, I turn my head towards the waves.  _Red water? LCL.  It really happened…it was no dream after all.  _There, standing upon the placid surf, stood Rei, neatly framed by the remains of the mass production units, their repose quite similar to that of being crucified.  _Rei?_  Blinking once to clear the grit from my eyes, I look again.  She's gone.  _Was she real, or just a pale echo of my desires?_  Quietly, I sigh.  I ache all over.  I really should get up.  _Am I alone?  It would be just.  I failed.  Always I fail.  Perhaps this is my curse, my penance.  I accept it, gladly._

 Slowly sitting up, I gradually become aware of another presence, lying next to me.  _Asuka?_  _What are you doing here?_  Concern rises up as I regard her still figure, a mass of bandages, her seemingly sightless gaze staring at the sky.  I relax only slightly as I notice the faint rise of her chest.  _So, you are still alive after all.  I am not surprised, yet I am glad as well, but why are you here? You don't deserve this…_

The smile that begins to form on my face dies as I begin to recollect just what happened.  My pathetic, broken pleas for help, to be rescued, to run from reality yet again.  Closing my eyes against them, they continue relentlessly on.  Her refusal to help.  Driving me away.  Disgust.  Loathing.  Mocking.  Why? Why? WHY?!?

  I am not even aware that I now straddle her.  As my hands closed around her throat, I began to shake.  All of my feelings, long since repressed, rushed to the fore.  Even as my fingers unconsciously tightened their grip, a swell of emotion threatened to overwhelm me.  

_A memory flashes unbidden through my mind, leaving nothing but shame and self-loathing coursing through my veins at my inability to control myself in a time of weakness.  Another memory, A simple, heartfelt smile, so rare, so intense, carrying within it a wealth of hidden emotions, smothered so quickly I wondered if they were even there…_

                Tears slowly begin to form at the corners of my eyes, I am totally unaware of them as another fleeting thought crosses my mind.  Absentmindedly, I wonder why my sight is growing blurry, as the images racing past my eyes remain crystal clear.__

                _The gray, overcast skies, raindrops steadily falling down.  A yellow quarantine line, marked 'Do Not Cross.'  The huddled, pitiful looking figure crouched before me.  Those terrible words spoken to me, reflexively lashing out the only way she knew how.  A chance to really help out someone who is special to me just…slips through my fingers._

                A convulsion rips through my body, tears silently trickle down my cheeks the next memory dredges itself up from the depths of my mind…

                _M y eyes widen in shock; focusing in on the horrifying remains of Unit-02.  .  The pure, unadulterated horror, the agony, the sense of loss, the knowledge that that…'**thing**' once carried someone that I cared for quite deeply.  As the realization sunk in that I would  never hear those strangely comforting insults again, It occurred to me just how much I needed her in my life…The realization that I did, strangely enough, love her, struck home.  A cry erupts from the very bottom of my soul, It's despair a mere shadow of what I feel.  Later, I was told that everyone who heard that cry felt it reverberate in their very souls._

These images relentlessly pound into my psyche, twisting, cutting ever deeper, sending me spiraling down into an abyss of nothingness, my last, perhaps final refuge.  Did I in fact make the right choice?  Was I right in thinking that perhaps accepting all this pain could make up for my mistakes, be my penance?  I simply did not know, and I was running away from myself, not even looking for the true answer.

However, my descent  is suddenly halted, and I plunge back to reality as a gentle, feather-light touch caresses my cheek.  Abruptly, my eyes snap open, absentmindedly taking in the fact that a single tear had splashed onto her pale ivory cheek.  That  single touch somehow manages to express her acceptance of her fate, as if it were a silent apology for her actions, for all the hurts ever inflicted, as well as a myriad of as yet unexpressed feelings.

                The strength leaves my hands abruptly as my tears of rage, agony and despair change into ones of release, acting as a catharsis of sorts.  Slowly, I collapse onto my loved ones' chest, an action guaranteed to have earned a slap hard enough to knock me into last week and a cry of "HENTAI!" not too long ago.   Suddenly, as if reacting to the quiet, muffled sobbing as well as the added weight of the young mans body, the crimson haired girls' un-bandaged eye begins to focus, eventually coming to rest on the shaking form lying on top of her.  Quietly, she murmurs two words that, although quite harsh, seem to contain no malice.

"How disgusting."

I would like an honest opinion on how this appears, I know it needs work, but it is what I wanted down on paper at the time.  Commentary would be appreciated.  Thank you. 


End file.
